Things aren’t looking good for our hero, but he finds solace in the arms of his wizard bros.
EVERY NIGHT I RETIRED to my tiny garret room in Anker’s. Then I would lock the door, climb out the window, and slip into either Wil or Sim’s room
The Wise Man’s Fear: the greatest subversive gay wizard story of our time?
Nah, they’re just making sure Ambrose doesn’t kill him in his sleep.
Anyway someone breaks into Kvothe’s room and steals his lute. Just like in the first book where Kvothe lost his lute at roughly this point in the story.
That’s all that happens.
More Than Salt
Elodin continues to somehow be paid for wasting his student’s time. He asks them to name something that can’t be explained. Kvothe insists that nothing is unexplainable, to which Elodin replies that he should have said music.
“Music explains itself,” I said. “It is the road, and it is the map that shows the road. It is both together.”
I’m going to start punching you in the dick now.
There’s a whole lot of bullshit where Kvothe acts like a pissy little know it all and argues with Elodin, so Elodin sexually harasses Fela in order to demonstrate that love is unexplainable or something. I’m just going to load my quote-shotgun and shoot you in the face with it:
“There is something ephemeral in the air,” Elodin said, moving to stand behind Fela. He put his hands on her shoulders, leaning close to her ear.
“She is curious about the shape of his mouth. She wonders if this could be the one, if she could unclasp the secret pieces of her heart to him.”
If there was one thing I knew less about than naming, it was courting women.
Our young lovers can try to express what they feel. They can try to play the half-heard song their hearts are singing.
Simplest is best, you think” Elodin extended his own hands and made wild grasping motions in Fela’s direction. “So you reach out and you grab this young woman’s breasts.”
“I am trying to wake your sleeping mind to the subtle language the world is whispering. I am trying to seduce you into understanding. I am trying to teach you.” He leaned forward until his face was almost touching mine. “Quit grabbing at my tits.”
Kvothe is a sad panda over losing his lute and his Masters being big stupid poo heads abloo bloo. Luckily he gets a note from Denna inviting him to dinner.
I was halfway across the garden before I realized she was crying
Kvothe, when girls cry at the thought of meeting you it’s a bad sign. Try being less of a human vacuum.
Denna notices that Kvothe is a sad panda and rushes to comfort him despite her own problems, as a good waifu should. Next she’ll offer to wake him up for school and make him a bento box.
“You are,” she said easily. “You are my shady willow on a sunny day.”
“You,” I said, “are sweet music in a distant room.”
But they totally don’t realize they like each other, nuh uh.
Denna had bought me a present. A case for my lute. A case for my stolen lute.
But it’s okay, it turns out Denna actually stole Kvothe’s lute to get the case made. She had been intending he come to dinner with her without even realizing it was gone, but he didn’t get the note until it was too late.
God this is so fucking dumb.
“I can never find you when I go looking.”
Then arrange some way of communicating with each other, you fucking idiots.
I should have known. You hold it like it’s your baby. If anyone in my life had ever looked at me the way you look at that lute, I’d …
She’s such a poor broken bird won’t Kvothe heal her with his mighty wizard cock
“What’s wrong with me?” she said, her voice low and angry. “Why am I such an idiot? Why can’t I do just one thing right in my whole life?”
You used to be so cool Denna 😦
It’s not that I have a problem with characters doubting themselves, but this is so obviously just being set up so Kvothe can be the nice guy and give her a shoulder to cry on.
You are my bright penny by the roadside. You are worth more than salt or the moon on a long night of walking. You are sweet wine in my mouth, a song in my throat, and laughter in my heart.
You are a luxury I cannot afford. Despite this, I insist you come with me today. I will buy you dinner and spend hours waxing rhapsodic over the vast landscape of wonder that is you.
I will play you music. I will sing you songs. For the rest of the afternoon, the rest of the world cannot touch us.
George Lucas, your script for Star Wars Episode 2.5: So Much Sand somehow got mixed in with Rothfuss’ manuscript. Dirk Oxenhammer must have been asleep at the job.
Hours later after some off-screen dinner eating that isn’t described Kvothe walks back to school with a spring in his step, presumably as overjoyed as I am that this pointless side-plot has been resolved so we can get on advancing all the other pointless side plots.
Man, a theater in Dublin put this on once, they had an awesome poster for it. Here let me show you:
Is that some amazing graphic design or what? I’ve never even seen the play and I’d still hang this on my wall.
What? Oh, right.
Sim uses alchemy to create some sort of heat-resistant liquid that Kvothe can spread on his skin to stop evil wizards from setting him on fire.
Unfortunately it also turns flammable when exposed to too much water, so I sure hope no one pushes Kvothe into the river.
Blood and Ash
Isn’t this what they say all the time in the Wheel of Time books, “blood and ashes”?
In a scene that actually manages to be quite engaging, Kvothe arrives at a clearing somewhere in the wizard forest to the North of wizard school where Fela, Mola, Wil and Sim are waiting, presumably to engage in some sort of scheme or caper.
Kvothe reveals that he’s managed to finish the Gram, which is a small metal disk he wears around his wrist. He wants the Super Pals to test the gram out by trying to attack him with sympathy using a wax replica of himself.
“I love the University,” Sim said to Wilem on the other side of the fire. “Educated women are so much more attractive.”
“I’d like to say the same,” Mola said dryly. “But I’ve never known any educated men.”
Ha. Me and Mola are buds, we’re going to go jump on trampolines together.
Sim stabs the wax doll with a pin and Kvothe pretends to scream in pain because nothing says “excitement” like wacky shenanigans. Eventually Mola stabs the shit out of the doll and then tosses it into the fire, but the Gram protects Kvothe fully. They’re now prepared for whatever thrilling plan they’re going to execute the following day, presumably involving getting Kvothe’s blood back from Ambrose.
While I might have a chance of earning enough to pay Devi back, I wouldn’t have a chance in hell of making my tuition at the same time. I didn’t want to spoil everyone’s evening with the fact that Ambrose had won. By forcing me to spend so much time hunting for a gram, he’d effectively driven me out of the University.
God damn why is it all so fucking boring. I would kill for another assassination attempt right now, I would sell my right arm for a problem where the solution doesn’t involve several week’s worth of library research and a budget.
But hey at least Kvothe can sleep now without Ambrose trying to make him vaguely uncomfortable.
We’re approaching what amounts to the culmination of a plot arc now, one that has consisted almost entirely of Kvothe stumbling blindly past a series of contrived obstacles or doing things whose purpose won’t become clear until later. It’s like I said in my review of The Name of The Wind- there’s no plot, just a random hodge-podge of events strung together in a chronological order. Kvothe is still entirely reactionary, he doesn’t do anything. If Ambrose hadn’t stolen Denna’s ring he’d still just be faffing around Imre pining for his waifu and occasionally remembering to look for information about the Chandrian.