Monthly Archives: September 2013



Let me describe a mission I ran into early in Grand Theft Auto V.

Ostensibly my character was looking to reconnect with an old partner to arrange a robbery, but for nebulous reasons I was tasked with sabotaging the new prototype phone about to be unveiled by LifeInvader, a painfully obvious and unfunny parody of Facebook that abruptly morphs into a painfully unfunny parody of Apple for no discernible reason. The mission ends with me in front of my TV, waiting for the Mark Zuckerberg-esque CEO of the company to step on stage so I can call the prototype phone and activate whatever it was I put into it earlier. Try to guess what happens- does it flash bestiality porn onto the screen or something, leaving me to lol heartily as this corporate titan’s reputation is destroyed?

Nope. What actually happens is that the phone explodes, graphically blowing the guy’s head off. It’s not funny, it’s just nasty and mean-spirited.

As it turns out that’s a good way to describe GTA V as a whole.

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