It’s time for another round of whatever, or something!
Chapter five: Hollow
ON THE THIRD DAY, Auri wept.
Chapter six: The Angry Dark
I guess that was… a biblical reference, for some reason?
Anyway foxen is “full of mountains” which means it’s a “tapering day”, and also the whootsywhosit is splendorous with butter-squash, which means it’s a blithering day.
Even so, burning days were flickersome. Too frangible by half.
But how cromulent are they
Incidentally I’m only now just realizing that Foxen is probably not actually sentient, Auri is just imbuing him with quirky personality. I feel somewhat stupid for not figuring this out sooner.
Then she made her way out of bed under the tenebrific blanket
Okay now you’re just taking the piss.
Auri tries to light some matches but they break, then she sits in the dark and thinks about how empty and meaningless her life was until wonderful, sweet, brilliant Kvothe (or “him”, for some reason the book has yet to refer to him by name) came along. We sure are learning a lot about Auri in this novella!
What the fuck is so wonderful about Kvothe that people fall all over themselves to praise him, anyway?
Eventually Auri rouses herself from her stupour because she has to get glorious, magnificent, tenebrific Kvothe a present. That means it’s back to Auri wandering around the Underthing some more, but this time in the dark because Foxen is scared or something. At one point she thinks her soap might be gone, but then! It turns out she just couldn’t see it in the dark. Holy shit I think we need to take a break, my heart is pounding here.
All watery and loose inside she searched about,
If you’re feeling watery and loose inside you should consider changing your diet
Auri finds one of her item stashes destroyed by some unknown animal, and her tiny face is shocked (her TINY face just like she runs on her TINY feet and uses her TINY hands to pick up things have I mentioned how TINY and waif-like she is yet also the little girl from the last chapter was TINY and gave a TINY gasp of surprise).
Eight cakes. An entire winter’s worth of soap.
This is perhaps a good reason not to live by yourself underground.
The gesture was so tight with rage she feared she’d snap and crack the world in two.
With this bit of thrilling drama over, it’s time for Auri to wander around some more! She finds a baby skunks flailing around in a pool of water and rescues it, thus introducing the most likeable character in the series so far. Unfortunately she just puts it back outside. Come back, helpless miniature skunk!
Then she did her best to set the place to rights. Hollybottle close beside the folded secrets of the all uncut octavo book?
The what what next to the what in the what now?
Anyway so next Auri’s blanket falls on the floor….. and that’s bad….. or something….. so she like runs around some doing I don’t know whatever…….
GOD THIS IS SO BORING
But hey she does almost set her hair on fire (HER WISPY HAIR THAT FLOATS AROUND HER TINY, TINY EVERY SO TINY FACE) so that’s dramatic I guess. This entire chapter is just a series of pratfalls where mildly inconveniencing things happen to Auri.
Then she like…. does something with the blanket I don’t know, but then later she goes back and puts the blanket somewhere else, and then there’s some other bullshit she has to do that involves running through an endless succession of rooms with quirky names. Jesus Rothfuss wasn’t joking, this really isn’t like a traditional story. It doesn’t have any plot, or characters, or drama, or tension, or
Eventually after pages and pages of pointless horseshit Auri finds a bottle that has something written on it, which I won’t bother quoting unless it becomes important later.
I’m honestly not sure how much more of this I can take. I cannot imagine how anyone actually managed to finish this thing for fun.