Let’s Read The Fifth Sorceress ch. 27 + 28.5

fifth_sorceress_title

Last time on Tristan, Tristan was knocked unconscious after infiltrating the Sorceress’s sorceress castle.

This time on Tristan: Tristan wakes up in a vaguely-described location and sees a vision of his dad, who is all like “hey I’m dead you should save the world or and rescue your sister or whatever.”

You two are the Chosen Ones. But the Prophecies decree that it is you, the male, upon whom the main burden falls.’

Does Shailiha actually have any role in this prophecy beyond getting captured and having a baby?

Aaaaand then the chapter ends. Well that was informative.

Chapter Twenty-eight

Tristan wakes up again, but this time in a cage.

He realized that both his dreggan and his dirks lay undisturbed across his back, but reaching them was impossible.

Sure that makes sense.

Failee, Succiu and the rest of the Sorceresses are in the room and they’re like “mwa ha ha we have the Chosen One mwa ha ha we are evil” and then Tristan is like “grr I’ll stop you.”

Succiu is all sexy and kinky and shit. I wonder if the book keeps harping on that just because Wizard’s First Rule did it? Like did Newcomb think that all fantasy novels have to have evil dominatrix women who torture men, but in a sexy way?

After some more gloating Shailiha appears and Tristan is like “oh no.”

Tristan felt a wave of love and compassion spread across his heart, followed by immediate misgivings.

WHEN TRISTAN SAW HIS SISTER HE FELT EMOTIONS. SOME OF THEM WERE GOOD EMOTIONS AND SOME OF THEM WERE BAD EMOTIONS. THESE ARE THE EMOTIONS THAT TIRSTAN FELT, WHEN HE SAW HIS SISTER.

Around her neck lay a gold chain, each end of which ran down into the bodice of her dress, presumably suspending some piece of jewelry in the valley of cleavage that lay between her breasts.

meh.ro10194

I don’t care how horny the author is, Tristan shouldn’t be thinking about his sister’s cleavage like this.

Shailiha now had a look of commanding presence, of the ability to wield great power, and to do so without mercy or guilt.

How can he tell all of that just by looking at her?

Her eyes began to walk hungrily up and down the length of his body. ‘Besides,’ she said nastily, ‘how could you be my brother when I find you so attractive?’

I

just

let’s move on

Shailiha walks over to Succiu and starts smooching her, and Tristan ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED at this disgusting display. No seriously, see for yourself:

Not a kiss upon the cheek or a sisterly kiss of endearment, but a raw, passionate, sexual kiss on the mouth that seemed to the prince to last an eternity. After the embrace, Shailiha lovingly brushed back some of Succiu’s hair, and the two stood there before him, arm in arm. Tristan began to feel the need to vomit, as tears welled up in his eyes. His head slumped down to his chest. The insanity never ends, his heart sobbed.

Seriously, fuck this book. Most of the time I’m laughing at it, but there’s a heavy streak of pure homophobia running through the entire story.

Two more cages come floating into the room, holding Wigg and Geldon.

It was a sight he would never forget.

No, the book hasn’t stopped doing this, in case you were wondering.

I can’t tell if the pewter locket is still around his neck! If only he had told me what it was for…

Hey, maybe Wigg should have just given him the damn locket like I was saying before.

Failee announces that he took away Wigg’s power… somehow. Then she explains, in massive, exhausting detail, how exactly they knew Tristan and Wigg were coming. I won’t bother going into it. Then Kluge shows up to taunt Tristan and awaken his man-rage some more.

‘Besides,’ she said nastily,

‘He has failed in his duties to me yet again,’ she said nastily, walking over to the slave,

Kluge said nastily,

The villains in this really are very nasty and mean.

Oh and Kluge raped Narissa. I was actually starting to think you wouldn’t exist just to make moon-eyes at Tristan and then suffer horribly. Maybe she’s dead too? I’m not too sure.

Tristan throws stupid, childish insults at Kluge, which for some reason enrages him. Then the sorceresses make Tristan an offer: if he submits to the Chimeran Agonies and comes over to their side so they can have sex with him “willingly” and bear his child then they’ll give him immortality and a life of luxury.

‘And why would you need my permission to submit willingly to the Agonies when you could always force them upon me?’ Tristan asked her blatantly.

Why is “blatently” at the end there? What does that even mean?

Failee closed her eyes, thinking. ‘Because the Vagaries are not clear on this point. It is possible that, because of the strength of your blood, should you resist any application of the Vagaries the result could be cataclysmic. Despite the fact that you are as yet untrained, you remain a very dangerous man, and

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED

Simply put, the forced use of any aspect of the Vagaries against your blood could result in the destruction of us all.

Wait, what? What is she talking about? Apparently Faegan knew about this but didn’t tell them because ???

And then Wigg is like “they don’t want your daughter Tristan they want your son” and Tristan is like “THE MADNESS NEVER ENDS!!!” oh my God this book is bad.

Wigg convinces Failee to explain her evil plan for old time’s sake (really): she’s going to use his son to breed a whole race of female Chosen Ones with special super-blood. They can brainwash the boy from birth to worship them, thus making him easier to control.

The result will be blood and seed that will be of an even higher quality than your own,

I’m getting really tired of hearing about the “quality” of blood. It’s like Wigg being the Lead Wizard or the Returning Wheel, it feels so generic.

Oh and Failee is going to mate Tristan’s son with Shailiha, because she’s EEEEEEEEVIL.

Wigg protests that the product of this union (everyone talks like that in this book) would be a TWISTED ABHORRENT FREAK OF NATURE due to incest. I don’t think that’s how that works. This is followed by yet another long-winded explanation about whatever, I don’t care. Eventually she explains that the creatures Shailiha fed the slave to earlier (it seems they’re in the Communion chamber at the moment) are the result of earlier attempts to create the Minions. And those creatures are…

Tristan watched, his mouth agape, as the first of the awful things crawled up and out of the cavern that lay beneath the floor of the Sanctuary. The wiktor.

It’s Wiki the Wiktor!

Yeah so the Wiktor and the Screaming Harpies and all that respawn when someone kills them, as long as their body parts can be rejoined. The book basically told us this ages ago, but it was kept as a big surprise for some reason.

‘Well done, Lead Wizard. Right on all counts!’ Failee scoffed. ‘And, as I am sure you have already deduced,

WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS

WHY WON’T THEY STOP TALKING

‘In fact,’ it said nastily,

‘Please, Wigg, by all means, enlighten us all,’ she said nastily.

The bad guys are oh so very nasty.

WORDS WORDS WORDS MORE WORDS

Man this chapter is way too long, I’m stopping for now.

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10 thoughts on “Let’s Read The Fifth Sorceress ch. 27 + 28.5

  1. Pingback: Let’s Read The Fifth Sorceress ch. 28.5 – 29 | Doing In The Wizard

  2. braak

    Hold on, I got a question about this part:

    Around her neck lay a gold chain, each end of which ran down into the bodice of her dress, presumably suspending some piece of jewelry in the valley of cleavage that lay between her breasts.

    Presumably? Is…wait. Is it a chain that just goes so deep into her cleavage that you can’t see the end of it?

    Reply
  3. Eudaemonium

    In fairness, at least *everyone* in this story seems to be incompetent. Wigg and Tristan seem about as useless as the Sorceresses at actually concocting coherent strategies. Everyone seems to just be fumbling around hoping something beneficial will happen for them.

    Reply
  4. Signatus

    So… how are the Chimeran Agonies supposed to work? So far they have been used to steal information from Faegan but without causing him much mental damage, or so it seemed. Then they were used to make Shailiah forget all about her past to believe she has always been one of the sorceresses. NOw they want to use them to make Tristan loyal to the Coven. Really, for a book that tries so hard to explain how the magic system works, it sure is inconsistent.

    Anyways, you can’t imagine how long, boring and anticlimatic this whole part is. And Tristan is an idiot.

    I’m not going to go about the whole blatant homophobia in the book because you’ve already mentioned it, but that’s like the worst thing that can happen to any story; when the author’s views show up. That’s bad in all accounts, but when the book keeps hitting us with how bad and depraved everything but sex between a man and a woman is (as long as the woman doesn’t engage in sex with more than one man, the man can do as he wishes tho), it becomes a whole new deal. Guess I’m one of those people who doesn’t give a damn about who anyone chooses to love as long as the relationship involves two willing adults, so I can’t understand why there is still people who have to point out how disgusted they feel about same sex couples. Really, why do they care so much? Happiness is the most important thing a human can achieve, and if that happiness is besides someone you love dearly, why is their gender or their color so important? Even more, their choice doesn’t affect anyone other than themselves so… why bother?

    Reply
  5. Pingback: Let’s Read The Fifth Sorceress ch. 26 | Doing In The Wizard

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