Let’s just get to the end of this thing.
Failee taunts Wigg and Tristan some more. Nastily. Have I mentioned how nasty and mean the sorceresses are? But they’re also sexy as well. Sexy and mean.
Her lush, full lips parted nastily into a smirk.
Oh so very nasty and also sexy.
‘You do not fully understand what you have become over the last three hundred years,’ Wigg rasped. ‘If studied improperly the Vagaries cause not only madness but addiction, leading the practitioner into a false sense of knowledge, infallibility, and an unquenchable lust for sexual depravity.’
i.e. lesbians and kinky stuff. Good women only have vanilla sex with handsome fantasy authors.
I mean princes! Princes. Good women only have sex with princes.
Wigg tries to convince Failee that she’s about to blow up the world, but of course she doesn’t believe him and is like “mwa ha ha I am so nasty I shall kill you.”
The powers of the gold and black orbs were meant to be combined and employed by only one person: Tristan, the male of the Chosen Ones, as proclaimed in the Prophecies.
Why? Tristan has absolutely zero training in magic, whereas Failee is one of the most powerful and experienced magic users in the world. What’s so special about Tristan? You can’t just tell us “he’s the Chosen One.” What does that actually mean in practical terms? Why does it let him do something no one else can?
Anyway Failee sends Kluge and the entire Minion army off to the Ghetto of the Shunned to track down whoever helped Geldon, a move that I’m sure won’t backfire in any way. Then all the sorceresses leave Tristan and Wigg in their cages overnight instead of just killing them. Again: absolutely stellar idea.
Blah de blah blah, Tristan and Wigg float in their cages, blah blah.
He remembered stories from near the end of the war of prisoners who were suddenly released after having been held in total darkness, only to be rushed out into the sunshine and immediately be struck permanently blind,
Where did Tristan hear these stories? He didn’t seem to know anything about the war before the book started.
Wigg tells Tristan that he’s still got the pewter locket around his neck (why the hell did he not give it to Tristan?) and reminds him that because of his super special blood he might be able to use magic in small quantities. Wigg also reminds him (they have to speak in complicated riddles in case someone is spying on them) that he has to kill Shailiha to stop the sorceress’s plans.
The first to enter the room was Succiu, dressed in the same highly erotic black leather clothing that he had last seen her wearing.
Succiu is basically just here to torment our heroes some more in really stupid, cartoonish ways. While being sexy.
Staring at him, she formed a circle with the thumb and index finger of her left hand, and began to gently push the handle of the whip in and out of it, imitating the action of intercourse.
SERIOUS EPIC FANTASY
This all reminds me a whole lot of the bit in Wizard’s First Rule where Richard gets tied up and tortured by whats her face (but in kind of a sexy way). Since that was easily the worst part of WFR, I am not happy about this. This whole section has devolved into the sorceresses cackling and being nasty and evil and Tristan thrusting his jaw out manfully and thinking about how much he wants to kill them.
In fact most of Tristan’s characterization is just GRR I SHALL KILL YOU I SWEAR IT THIS DAY. The constant “a-bloo-bloo I don’t want to be king” thing was annoying, but at least it approached some kind of characterization.
Given the chance I will kill you, he swore to himself. Any misgivings I may have had because you were once my sister are now gone. I will kill you as surely as night follows day.
BY MY EXTENDO-SWORD DO I SWEAR IT
all he could do was to look down upon his tormentor – the impossibly beautiful woman in black leather with the long, silken hair and the exquisitely slanted, mahogany-colored eyes.
Are you fucking serious
Succiu is like “mwa ha ha I shall now rape you” and the sequence that follows totally reads like someone’s wank material. While Succiu is magically taking his clothes off Shailiha sees the medallion their mother gave him and is momentarily taken aback. HER MIND CONTROL IS STARTING TO BREAK YOU GUYZ.
Succiu’s voice purred from the other side of the altar. She had suddenly become naked,
I laughed out loud for like five minutes when I read this. “She had suddenly become naked” is possible the funniest sentence I’ve ever read.
‘Would you like some wine first?’ she asked nastily.
Tristan must be a real nasty boy by now.
There’s more blatant wank material (we’re at 88% by the way), which includes Succiu giving Tristan a magic boner.
‘For you see, my sweet, I have just conceived.’
SHE HAD SUDDENLY BECOME NAKED
FOR YOU SEE, I HAVE JUST CONCEIVED
AFTER SUDDENLY BECOMING NAKED, SUCCIU ANNOUNCED THAT SHE HAD JUST CONCEIVED
Succiu tells Tristan that her child will be born in just three days because magic, like that creepy baby from Twilight.
I have given them what they wanted most, his crying heart called out to him in guilt.
What the fuck, you didn’t “give” them anything.
Anyway after all that bullshit the chapter finally ends.